I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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