so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize