I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
