I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
