Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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