Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i now understand why vodka
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
