thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
