There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
