you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
