Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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