Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
