i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
