Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
