brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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