Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
