I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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