That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
