I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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