shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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