i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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