He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
