Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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