I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
