I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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