i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
