I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize