i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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