I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
