Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
