I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
