I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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