i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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