There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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