I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
