I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
