I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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