Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I came so hard my ears popped.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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