i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize