respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
