weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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