It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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