True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
