he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
