The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
