he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
