I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
