So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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