its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
