just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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