So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
