fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
