Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
