only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
