respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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