I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
