K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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