Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize