What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
