morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
