so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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