Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
