I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
