how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
