i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
