dude i'm inner monologue high
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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