well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Couch. On fire.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
