Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
