apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
