I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
