NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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