hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
