please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
