If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
