I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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