He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
