Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
